The best sex toys for couples starting out are simple ones: a vibrating cock ring, a wearable U-shaped vibrator, or a small bullet or wand you pass back and forth. Each fits into sex you already have, needs almost no practice, and does something for both of you. The one thing that matters more than any feature is what the toy is made of.
If you haven't had the conversation yet, start with our guide to bringing up sex toys with your partner. This post picks up once you've both said yes.
Check the material first
Before vibration modes or remotes, look at the material. Cheap beginner toys are often jelly, rubber, PVC, or TPR. These are porous, so they can hold on to fluids, lube, and bacteria in places a wash won't fully reach.
Planned Parenthood puts it plainly: porous materials like jelly rubber and PVC can absorb germs that lead to infections, and non-porous toys are easier to keep clean. For a toy that touches both of you, that settles it.
Stick to silicone, ABS plastic, glass, or stainless steel. Silicone is the usual choice for couples' toys because it's soft, flexible, and warms up quickly against skin. Wash it with mild soap and warm water after every use.
The best sex toys for couples starting out
You want something that joins the sex you're already having rather than replacing it. These three are the most reliable places to start.
The vibrating cock ring
If you want both of you to feel something with no learning curve, start here. A stretchy silicone ring slides down to the base of the penis. The snug fit helps hold blood in, which is why doctors pair tension rings with vacuum pumps for erectile dysfunction, and many men find an erection feels firmer with one on.
On top sits a small vibrating bullet, placed to press against the clitoris during penetration. Nobody has to hold anything: put it on and have sex as usual. Take it off if it pinches, goes numb, or the skin looks discolored. Our penis toys collection has rings in different sizes and stretch.
The wearable U-shaped vibrator
This one is worn by the female partner during sex. One arm goes inside the vagina, the other rests outside against the clitoris, and a flexible bridge holds it in place.
She gets internal and external vibration at once, hands-free. He feels the vibration through the thin internal arm, along with a slightly snugger fit. It suits couples who want vibration during intercourse without anyone holding a toy.
A bullet or wand vibrator
Simple works. A small bullet or a wand can be held by either of you during foreplay, used for massage, or held in place during sex. It's external, easy to hand back and forth, and the least intimidating of the three.
There's a good reason all three add clitoral contact. In a large, nationally representative US survey of women, only about 18 percent said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm, and most said clitoral stimulation was either needed or made orgasm better.
Setting up your first session
- Use lube. Friction is the quickest way to spoil a first try. Water-based lube is safe with every toy material. Skip silicone lube on silicone toys, since Planned Parenthood notes it can react with the toy's surface and damage it. Our lube guide covers the rest.
- Start on the lowest setting, and switch it on before it touches anyone. Top speed straight away can feel numbing or just startling.
- Keep it light. Fumbling with buttons or putting a ring on backward is normal. Say what feels good, laugh at what doesn't, and adjust.
This is general information, not medical advice. If a ring causes pain or bruising, or you have erection trouble that keeps coming back, see a doctor.
Afterward, wash the toy with mild soap and warm water, let it dry fully, and store it in a clean pouch or its box. Toy cleaner and water-based lube are both in our lube and care collection.