Anal play for couples comes down to four things: a non-porous toy, a flared base, far more lube than you think you need, and a receiving partner who controls the pace. Get those right and a first session is usually comfortable. Skip any of them and it usually is not.
Plenty of couples are curious and few have been told how to start. The anatomy is less forgiving than vaginal play, so this is one area where a little preparation does most of the work. If you want the solo version first, our anal play for beginners guide covers the basics in more depth.
Choose a body-safe material
The tissue inside the anus is thin and delicate and can tear or bleed easily, which also makes it easier to pass on an infection, as Cleveland Clinic explains. That makes the toy's surface matter.
Skip porous materials like jelly, TPR, PVC, and "cyberskin" entirely. Their surfaces have tiny pores that can hold bacteria even after washing, and you cannot fully clean them. We explain the difference in porous vs. non-porous materials.
Choose silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel, or hard ABS plastic. For a first toy, silicone is the easiest: firm enough to insert without fuss, with a little give that feels more forgiving than glass or steel.
Why a flared base matters
This one has no exceptions. Anything that goes in the anus needs a flared base or a solid handle that is much wider than the part that goes inside.
The sphincter muscles can draw an object inward, and a straight dildo, a bullet vibrator, or anything without a stop can slip all the way in. Retrieving it then means a trip to the emergency room. A review of retained rectal foreign bodies in the Annals of Coloproctology found that most cases involved objects inserted for sexual pleasure. Whatever you buy, from our anal toys collection or anywhere else, check the base before it goes near your body.
How to start anal play for couples
- Talk and relax first. Anxiety tightens the sphincter muscles, which makes insertion uncomfortable or impossible. A warm shower together helps. Agree that the receiving partner sets the speed and can stop at any time, and pick a simple word or a tap that means "pause".
- Use a lot of lube. The anus does not produce its own lubrication, so friction is the main cause of discomfort and small tears. Apply lube to the toy and to the outside of the anus, and add more as you go. Water-based lube is the safe default: it works with every toy material, including silicone, while some silicone-based lubes can damage silicone toys. Thicker water-based lubes, like some in our lube and care collection, stay slick longer.
- Start small. Save large toys and intercourse for later. A small silicone plug is the best first tool. Rest the tip against the opening and let the receiving partner breathe out slowly while you apply gentle, steady pressure. Once the widest part passes the sphincter, the muscle closes around the narrow neck and holds the plug in place.
- Leave it there. A plug does not need to be moved in and out. The feeling of fullness is the point for many people, and plenty of couples leave a plug in while doing everything else they normally do.
Pain is a signal to stop, not to push through. Discomfort that eases with more lube and a slower pace is normal early on. Sharp pain is not.
Hygiene and aftercare
Never move a toy, finger, or penis from the anus to the vagina without washing it first or putting on a fresh condom. Planned Parenthood notes that germs from the anus can cause vaginal infections. If you want to switch back and forth, keep a second toy within reach or use condoms on your toys.
After the session, wash the toy straight away with warm water and mild unscented soap or a toy cleaner, then let it air dry. Our guide to cleaning every toy material covers glass and steel as well.
This is general information, not medical advice. If you notice bleeding, pain that lasts after the session, or anything that does not settle within a day or two, see a doctor.